People are a strange thing.
I find it interesting in my observations on how people's reactions to various scenarios only change if the need aligns with how they are functionally wired.
Functionally wired to me, is defined by how we are taught to behave/react or what we have learned from birth. The main influences on this tend to be our immediate families for the most part. With a minor tip of the hat to group experiences in environments such as school.
Such a complex microcosm, no? I also think that's where we learn how to lie. But we'll save that tangent for another post.
Oh yeah, back to the subject at hand...
Not every statement or post or comment is always directed at you. Feel like that was directed at you? It wasn't, I was generalizing.That right there is some passive-aggressive bullshit if ever and it applies so many times. I find myself constantly halting my thought process when I read a comment someone I know makes so I don't let my idiosyncrasies cause a mess. I fail at that as much as I succeed, but I am trying at least.
Perhaps for a good percentage of people that is true, but for the most part it's quite narcissistic to assume "it's all about you". According to the National Institutes on Health, that's a classic definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Personally, I think that's painting too broad of a brush stroke since I can't say everyone has this affliction. Hell, I might have it even.
Moving right along...
I used to love sitting in the bars and watching people. Most of the time I'd do it sober so I could reflect on it some other time. You can see every facet of the human psyche in an environment like that. Good, evil, dark, light, chaotic, and neutral. And oh what wars those facets wage. I'm even not so sure the booze causes it, I more so believe the booze takes the societal inhibitions away and lets people's true inner colors out. Hell it's done it for me in the "Hold my beer and watch this!" kind of stunt.
I'm not known for my Einstein level brilliance, nor for my ability to not try to one up people in anything.
Perhaps one day I'll understand this and people more? I hope so, my distrust and jaded perspective are really bothering me lately.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far Far Away...
So whats everyone think of me using song lyrics for post titles?
Keep in mind they most likely won't have any relevance to the post, they're just taken from what I'm listening to while I write these things.
So on with it as they say...
Today is the anniversary of MTV's birth. What an underwhelming occasion. I celebrated it by posting The Buggles infamous video to Facebook. I haven't watched MTV in years. Mainly since Beavis and Butthead days. I do remember when they liked to be on the cutting edge with shows like "Liquid Television". Now it's been relegated to vapid crap like "The Hills". Perhaps one day, Mike Nesmith will atone for this shit sandwich he birthed on us. More likely not as he hasn't atoned for the Monkees yet.
From time to time I like to lay back and contemplate moments in time. Moments that not necessarily defined me or the rest of the "Gen-Xers" I grew up with, but perhaps molded us into what we are today. I remember seeing Star Wars in the theater. What a mind blowing experience for a kid. I also remember being in school and being herded into the auditorium to watch the Challenger shuttle flight. Still mind blowing, but not in such good ways. It's this comparative thinking that makes me feel like I'm making progress on my human sensibilities and perhaps even my ability to cope with change.
What moments in time do you like to contemplate? It doesn't matter your age, there is always something that molds or defines every generation. My mom had Elvis, the Kennedy's, Vietnam, and possibly Nixon. You could have Columbine, the Columbia, or 9/11. Do you learn from them? Do you take what's happened and try to educate another person similarly? Perhaps you could.
Lets face it, we're all able to do something.
Keep in mind they most likely won't have any relevance to the post, they're just taken from what I'm listening to while I write these things.
So on with it as they say...
Today is the anniversary of MTV's birth. What an underwhelming occasion. I celebrated it by posting The Buggles infamous video to Facebook. I haven't watched MTV in years. Mainly since Beavis and Butthead days. I do remember when they liked to be on the cutting edge with shows like "Liquid Television". Now it's been relegated to vapid crap like "The Hills". Perhaps one day, Mike Nesmith will atone for this shit sandwich he birthed on us. More likely not as he hasn't atoned for the Monkees yet.
From time to time I like to lay back and contemplate moments in time. Moments that not necessarily defined me or the rest of the "Gen-Xers" I grew up with, but perhaps molded us into what we are today. I remember seeing Star Wars in the theater. What a mind blowing experience for a kid. I also remember being in school and being herded into the auditorium to watch the Challenger shuttle flight. Still mind blowing, but not in such good ways. It's this comparative thinking that makes me feel like I'm making progress on my human sensibilities and perhaps even my ability to cope with change.
What moments in time do you like to contemplate? It doesn't matter your age, there is always something that molds or defines every generation. My mom had Elvis, the Kennedy's, Vietnam, and possibly Nixon. You could have Columbine, the Columbia, or 9/11. Do you learn from them? Do you take what's happened and try to educate another person similarly? Perhaps you could.
Lets face it, we're all able to do something.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
That Lady Got the Thickness, Can I Get a Witness?
Music
Is there any one other thing besides this and perhaps politics that can either divide or ensnare people so well? I would hazard a guess at a no answer to that.
What ideally is music? Well, to every person and even every creature it has a different meaning. Myself, it's the great equalizer of concepts and a way to quiet the noise in my head. Oftentimes I've heard other people allude it to being cathartic lyrically, I've even observed animals being placated by the vibrations from a synthesizer. Such random things from vibrations in the air at its most basic. Amazing actually.
Let me throw out a little story here from a time about 18 years ago(Good lord!).
I was living with my friend Dale and being disenchanted about life and what I was making of it. I had just dropped out of college because I couldn't come to terms with pissing away all this money for a limited use degree. We barhopped a lot, shot a lot of pool, and acted like assholes. Standard procedure for many twenty-somethings I'm sure. Somehow we end up deciding that hitting strip bars is the next greatest idea since sliced bread and bologna. Which, ha it pretty much is, but that's really beside the point. We're starting to become regulars at this one joint on the border of Phoenix/Tempe. Start knowing most of the employees and a few of the dancers by name.
One person there sticks out though. He was the DJ. Chaz Lee. Craziest bastard I think I've ever known. Long hair, handlebar mustache, drove a late 70's Camaro. Complete definition of a hair metal dude as I've ever seen. I blame this guy for really taking a can opener and a blender to what I thought was music. He played everything from alternative to folk to metal with bluegrass and country thrown in. Got me hired on a rookie DJ there with no real job skills and no viable mic personality. We did some crazy crazy shit in the short 2 years I worked there and no I won't go into gory detail, but suffice to say, two of my friends are quite familiar with this time of my life.
Now the reason for all that long winded narcissistic horsecrap.
Music can be anything, it can be everything and it can also be nothing at all. But one thing is certain, it is universal. Thanks to Chaz, I was given an opportunity to expand my musical tastes a hundred-fold. Because of that one time 18 years ago, I still try to pay homage to an old friend that I have no idea where he is or where he's been by trying to show people that you can find something to love in every kind of music. From Blackfoot's "Soldier Blue" to Tupac's "California Love"
So with that said, share some music you love with someone this week. And while you're at it. ask them to share some music they love with you. And be gracious enough to give the new music a chance, even if its not something you normally like. You never know what you might stumble over.
Is there any one other thing besides this and perhaps politics that can either divide or ensnare people so well? I would hazard a guess at a no answer to that.
What ideally is music? Well, to every person and even every creature it has a different meaning. Myself, it's the great equalizer of concepts and a way to quiet the noise in my head. Oftentimes I've heard other people allude it to being cathartic lyrically, I've even observed animals being placated by the vibrations from a synthesizer. Such random things from vibrations in the air at its most basic. Amazing actually.
Let me throw out a little story here from a time about 18 years ago(Good lord!).
I was living with my friend Dale and being disenchanted about life and what I was making of it. I had just dropped out of college because I couldn't come to terms with pissing away all this money for a limited use degree. We barhopped a lot, shot a lot of pool, and acted like assholes. Standard procedure for many twenty-somethings I'm sure. Somehow we end up deciding that hitting strip bars is the next greatest idea since sliced bread and bologna. Which, ha it pretty much is, but that's really beside the point. We're starting to become regulars at this one joint on the border of Phoenix/Tempe. Start knowing most of the employees and a few of the dancers by name.
One person there sticks out though. He was the DJ. Chaz Lee. Craziest bastard I think I've ever known. Long hair, handlebar mustache, drove a late 70's Camaro. Complete definition of a hair metal dude as I've ever seen. I blame this guy for really taking a can opener and a blender to what I thought was music. He played everything from alternative to folk to metal with bluegrass and country thrown in. Got me hired on a rookie DJ there with no real job skills and no viable mic personality. We did some crazy crazy shit in the short 2 years I worked there and no I won't go into gory detail, but suffice to say, two of my friends are quite familiar with this time of my life.
Now the reason for all that long winded narcissistic horsecrap.
Music can be anything, it can be everything and it can also be nothing at all. But one thing is certain, it is universal. Thanks to Chaz, I was given an opportunity to expand my musical tastes a hundred-fold. Because of that one time 18 years ago, I still try to pay homage to an old friend that I have no idea where he is or where he's been by trying to show people that you can find something to love in every kind of music. From Blackfoot's "Soldier Blue" to Tupac's "California Love"
So with that said, share some music you love with someone this week. And while you're at it. ask them to share some music they love with you. And be gracious enough to give the new music a chance, even if its not something you normally like. You never know what you might stumble over.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Whassamatter? U Mad?
Eye on the TV
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavor it happens to be
Like:
"Killed by the husband" ...
"Drowned by the ocean" ...
"Shot by his own son" ...
"She used a poison in his tea,
Then (she) kissed him goodbye"
That's my kind of story
It's no fun til someone dies.
Don't look at me like I am a monster
Frown out your one face, but with the other (you)
Stare like a junkie into the TV
Stare like a zombie while the mother holds her child,
Watches him die,
Hands to the sky cryin "why, oh why?"
Cause I need to watch things die from a distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too - don't lie.
Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
Neither the brave nor bold
Nor brightest of stories told
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
I need to watch things die from a good safe distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so why can't we just admit it?
Blood like rain fallin' down
Drum on grave and ground
Part vampire, part warrior,
Carnivore and voyeur
Stare at the transmittal.
Sing to the death rattle.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie (x4)
Credulous at best
Your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men.
But pull your head on out (of) your hippie haze
And give a listen
Shouldn't have to say it all again
The universe is hostile
So impersonal
Devour to survive
So it is, so it's always been ...
We all feed on tragedy.
It's like blood to a vampire.
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I.
Lyrics courtesy of @Tool @MaynardJamesKeenan
Every year hundreds of innocent children die due to abuse, poverty, neglect, hate and rage in the US. What makes this one white baby any better? Where's the indignant rage at the unnecessary deaths of the other poor souls? You feel that rage? Put it to good use. Donate to a worthy shelter, foodbank, crisis center, abuse hotline, or charity.
Your vicarious intake of the media frenzy and circus surrounding the Casey Anthony trial makes me sick. Not because a (purported) murderer got away with it, but because you could give a fuck less if some poor kid in the ghetto got his ass beat to death by his dad while the dad was high on drugs.
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavor it happens to be
Like:
"Killed by the husband" ...
"Drowned by the ocean" ...
"Shot by his own son" ...
"She used a poison in his tea,
Then (she) kissed him goodbye"
That's my kind of story
It's no fun til someone dies.
Don't look at me like I am a monster
Frown out your one face, but with the other (you)
Stare like a junkie into the TV
Stare like a zombie while the mother holds her child,
Watches him die,
Hands to the sky cryin "why, oh why?"
Cause I need to watch things die from a distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too - don't lie.
Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
Neither the brave nor bold
Nor brightest of stories told
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
I need to watch things die from a good safe distance
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so why can't we just admit it?
Blood like rain fallin' down
Drum on grave and ground
Part vampire, part warrior,
Carnivore and voyeur
Stare at the transmittal.
Sing to the death rattle.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie (x4)
Credulous at best
Your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men.
But pull your head on out (of) your hippie haze
And give a listen
Shouldn't have to say it all again
The universe is hostile
So impersonal
Devour to survive
So it is, so it's always been ...
We all feed on tragedy.
It's like blood to a vampire.
Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I.
Lyrics courtesy of @Tool @MaynardJamesKeenan
Every year hundreds of innocent children die due to abuse, poverty, neglect, hate and rage in the US. What makes this one white baby any better? Where's the indignant rage at the unnecessary deaths of the other poor souls? You feel that rage? Put it to good use. Donate to a worthy shelter, foodbank, crisis center, abuse hotline, or charity.
Your vicarious intake of the media frenzy and circus surrounding the Casey Anthony trial makes me sick. Not because a (purported) murderer got away with it, but because you could give a fuck less if some poor kid in the ghetto got his ass beat to death by his dad while the dad was high on drugs.
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Monday, July 4, 2011
Here's to the Night
Its been quite a while since I put these thoughts to paper or screen. I honestly hope it's therapy for me somehow.
Ever wonder why I'm the way I am? Perhaps you have, or perhaps I'm being narcissistic and wanting to push my ego onto the world. Either way, I'm the way I am due to quite a few factors hitting me over the years. Let's go over them for grins.
I was married once, to a girl I swore I loved more than anything. Things happened, words were said, chasms were made. I'm not asking for forgiveness because I know I'm partially responsible for that blowing apart like it did. My own internal self-defense mechanisms caused me to shut down and napalmed it till that shit was dead. Well maybe it was for the best perhaps? All I know is I'm friends with Heather again after 12 years of her fading in the desert and there are no harbored issues.
I have a beautiful daughter, named Promise Alexis, who I love dearly. Sadly I haven't seen her face in 6 years. Suffice to say, her mother and I are not exactly on the same page or terms of treatment to each other that we should have been. I watched my soul break when I was sued into giving up joint custody and rights by her mother. Looking back I see one thing repeat itself. Me holding her on a plateau high and caving into her wishes every time I wanted to be a father. Ce La Vie? I just wish I had a band-aid or a way to fix the gaping hole inside me. I loved you Julia, and goddammit I still do.
I would add some things about New Jersey to the mix, but really, the state hadn't really done anything and for the record, neither did Janelle. She just did what came naturally to her. I won't shit on her for that, I just wonder why she kept me around for so long. Perhaps it was for the better? Who knows. I do know I miss the fine people I met there and I miss her family. Her aunts, uncles, and dad adored me and conversely I adored them.
Music, oh music, where would I be without you? Probably the same place I am now. Oh, what's that? I digress...
I'm bitter because I gave up my child because I have no fight left in me.
I'm sarcastic because I hate people and the things they are willing to do.
I'm mean because all I feel inside is pure pain and I want it out.
I love because I know that's the right thing to do.
I'm lonely because I'll never let anyone close to me like I let you...
Ever wonder why I'm the way I am? Perhaps you have, or perhaps I'm being narcissistic and wanting to push my ego onto the world. Either way, I'm the way I am due to quite a few factors hitting me over the years. Let's go over them for grins.
I was married once, to a girl I swore I loved more than anything. Things happened, words were said, chasms were made. I'm not asking for forgiveness because I know I'm partially responsible for that blowing apart like it did. My own internal self-defense mechanisms caused me to shut down and napalmed it till that shit was dead. Well maybe it was for the best perhaps? All I know is I'm friends with Heather again after 12 years of her fading in the desert and there are no harbored issues.
I have a beautiful daughter, named Promise Alexis, who I love dearly. Sadly I haven't seen her face in 6 years. Suffice to say, her mother and I are not exactly on the same page or terms of treatment to each other that we should have been. I watched my soul break when I was sued into giving up joint custody and rights by her mother. Looking back I see one thing repeat itself. Me holding her on a plateau high and caving into her wishes every time I wanted to be a father. Ce La Vie? I just wish I had a band-aid or a way to fix the gaping hole inside me. I loved you Julia, and goddammit I still do.
I would add some things about New Jersey to the mix, but really, the state hadn't really done anything and for the record, neither did Janelle. She just did what came naturally to her. I won't shit on her for that, I just wonder why she kept me around for so long. Perhaps it was for the better? Who knows. I do know I miss the fine people I met there and I miss her family. Her aunts, uncles, and dad adored me and conversely I adored them.
Music, oh music, where would I be without you? Probably the same place I am now. Oh, what's that? I digress...
I'm bitter because I gave up my child because I have no fight left in me.
I'm sarcastic because I hate people and the things they are willing to do.
I'm mean because all I feel inside is pure pain and I want it out.
I love because I know that's the right thing to do.
I'm lonely because I'll never let anyone close to me like I let you...
Friday, July 1, 2011
Off And Running
Or so it seems.
I would be flippant and roll some trite comment about being first, but this isn't /b/ so I can't go for the lulz.
Perhaps once I'm inspired later tonight I might post again and vent.
Oh and just as a reminder to myself and everyone else, being as most things I do need a purpose, this is going to be for venting, cooking commentary, random bits of songwriting/poetry, burningman and perhaps posts regarding re-purposing electronics.
Bon soir for now
I would be flippant and roll some trite comment about being first, but this isn't /b/ so I can't go for the lulz.
Perhaps once I'm inspired later tonight I might post again and vent.
Oh and just as a reminder to myself and everyone else, being as most things I do need a purpose, this is going to be for venting, cooking commentary, random bits of songwriting/poetry, burningman and perhaps posts regarding re-purposing electronics.
Bon soir for now
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